Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
