We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
