Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
