Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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