This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
