Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
