I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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