I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
