You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
