can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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