do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
