im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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