dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
