honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
