my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
