She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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