Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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