I am puke
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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