glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
