She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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