If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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