My nipple is on Facebook.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
