Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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