guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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