I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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