listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
