oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
