Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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