you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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