Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
