he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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