I just pynch a tree in the face
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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