I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
