kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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