I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
