i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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