OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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