Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
