her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
