Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
