butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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