...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
