We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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