my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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