At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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