How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love you. Go after that dick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
