So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
