I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
