Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
