Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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