It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
