i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
